soooo we both peed the bed last night...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
