Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
