Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You are the jesus of drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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