I'm lost and stupid without you.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
