Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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