I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
