the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
