Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
