omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
