I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
