im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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