i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
