I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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