i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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