ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
