Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
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we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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