Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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