If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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