I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
