Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
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He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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