We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
