I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
