Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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