We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
