I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
