The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
