using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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