is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
