Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
