I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
