onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
