You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
