I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
