I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
