No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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