I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
