He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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