I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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