I look better un-naked...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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