You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
