her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
