we have officially lost it.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
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