Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
