Sacagawea was the original milf.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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