youre lurking in front of me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
