Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Are we still banned from the library?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
