It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
