My liver just broke up with me...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
