so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
