You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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