All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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