I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
