Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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