He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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