someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
