don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
