dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
