Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
