K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
