Pappa wants mamma naked
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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