I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
