apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
