He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
