Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
