i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
