White coat. Heels.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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