The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
