Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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