I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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