Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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