she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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