i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
