why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
