using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
