Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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