areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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