i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
