You made me cry and you don't even care
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
this is an emotional support booty call
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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