his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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