Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
