I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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