Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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