That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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