Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
