2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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