I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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