my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
