I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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