I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
