Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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