i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
